So, I'm googling Scientology.
Why? Because it's wednesday night and I've got nothing better to do. (that's not really the point here)
Well, of course I immediatly wonder if, I too, could become a couch-jumping wacko. So I dig a little deeper. Ah, a questionaire. Perfect. (These are actual questions from the Church of Scientology 's "Sec Whole Track" questionaire. No lying.)
1. Have you ever driven anyone insane? Most likely. Ask my husband. Or my mother.
2. Have you ever killed the wrong person? Um, it's ok if I killed the right person?
3. Is anybody looking for you? Nobody good.
4. Have you ever set a poor example? Nope. I only teach my kids to hit when no one is looking.
5. Did you come to earth for evil purposes? Um, did you?
6. Are you in hiding? Usually.
7. Have you systematically set up mysteries? Yes. It's always a mystery to me how I never have any money left over.
8. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people? Do I count?
9. Have you ever gone crazy? Gone? I'm still there...I can't find my way back.
10. Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity? Actually yes. Back in the day, I had quite a few admirers who could not take no for an answer. So I tried to act even crazier than I am, to scare them off. But the crazier I acted, the more they wanted me. Go figure.
11. Have you ever deserted or betrayed a great leader? Well, we haven't had one in a while, so I"ll go with ...no.
12. Have you ever smothered a baby? No. Never even thought about it. My kids are awesome.
13. Do you deserve to have any friends? Of course I do. I'm super fun.
14. Have you ever castrated anyone? Not yet. But I've thought about castrating some of the boys in question 10.
15. Do you deserve to be enslaved? Um, no. Oh wait, will it be by one of my A-List guys?
16. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real? Huh? I don't get this one. Oh, are you talking about drinking, cause in that case, yes.
17. Have you ever zapped anyone? No. I have no zapper gun thing-y. Can I get one of those from you?
18. Have you ever had a body with a veneral disease? As far as I know this is the only body I've had, and it's clean.
SO...you think I can get in? Well, if not, there's always Kaballah.