Saturday, March 15, 2008

However weird you are, this is weirder


So, I'm googling Scientology.

Why? Because it's wednesday night and I've got nothing better to do. (that's not really the point here)

Well, of course I immediatly wonder if, I too, could become a couch-jumping wacko. So I dig a little deeper. Ah, a questionaire. Perfect. (These are actual questions from the Church of Scientology 's "Sec Whole Track" questionaire. No lying.)

1. Have you ever driven anyone insane? Most likely. Ask my husband. Or my mother.

2. Have you ever killed the wrong person? Um, it's ok if I killed the right person?

3. Is anybody looking for you? Nobody good.

4. Have you ever set a poor example? Nope. I only teach my kids to hit when no one is looking.

5. Did you come to earth for evil purposes? Um, did you?

6. Are you in hiding? Usually.

7. Have you systematically set up mysteries? Yes. It's always a mystery to me how I never have any money left over.

8. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people? Do I count?

9. Have you ever gone crazy? Gone? I'm still there...I can't find my way back.

10. Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity? Actually yes. Back in the day, I had quite a few admirers who could not take no for an answer. So I tried to act even crazier than I am, to scare them off. But the crazier I acted, the more they wanted me. Go figure.

11. Have you ever deserted or betrayed a great leader? Well, we haven't had one in a while, so I"ll go with ...no.

12. Have you ever smothered a baby? No. Never even thought about it. My kids are awesome.

13. Do you deserve to have any friends? Of course I do. I'm super fun.

14. Have you ever castrated anyone? Not yet. But I've thought about castrating some of the boys in question 10.

15. Do you deserve to be enslaved? Um, no. Oh wait, will it be by one of my A-List guys?

16. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real? Huh? I don't get this one. Oh, are you talking about drinking, cause in that case, yes.

17. Have you ever zapped anyone? No. I have no zapper gun thing-y. Can I get one of those from you?

18. Have you ever had a body with a veneral disease? As far as I know this is the only body I've had, and it's clean.

SO...you think I can get in? Well, if not, there's always Kaballah.

27 comments:

Eileen said...

Michelle...
You always make me laugh. It would have been enough to simply put the questions in, but your answers are priceless. What a great way for me to start my day.
I've been at an AA conference all weekend, on my way there now for the day. I'll post at some point soon again.
You always have the best posts, you really do!
I personally think that I will stay away from 'your' religion for now and stick with my spirituality. Thanks anyway for the convincing 'recruitment' attempt; you made it look promising and wonderful, but....

TD said...

Ohhh my. I was rolling on the floor. I can't believe those where the questions. TOo funny!!

tweetey30 said...

Oh brother. You mind if I copy and paste these for mine?? LOL. That is funny.

On another topic if you were busy over the weekend we bought a brand new 2007 with 30,000 miles on it.

Jazz said...

These people are insane. TC jumping on sofas is the least of it. Geez.

Dave said...

Shhh! Michelle's kids, JP: Have you read this? They have these passwords you can use to keep her on the straight and narrow. Keep her occupied. She's worth saving most days, it's worth the effort.

That girl said...

Eileen - that is my goal in life, to entertain you! i'm glad it's working...hehe.

TD - sadly, this was no joke. Actual questions. Scary, eh?

Tweets - A new 2007?? how cool! I can't wait to see pics..I'm going over to your side now.

That girl said...

Jazz - I know!! Not sure if you read TC's autobiography that just came out last month...I was left speechless. Some of the crazy stuff 'they' do is unbelievable. After reading that book, these questions seem to be right in tune with their teachings. Sick.

Dave - Come now! This was strictly for research purposes only...I wanted to see JUST how nuts you'd have to be to join. Not even I am THAT crazy :-)

Dave said...

I replied to your comment at my place. It happens that your point is exactly the right point.

Evel said...

So, looks like Tommy is working hard on question 10. And doing a beautiful job of it.

That girl said...

Dave - thanks, i've read a bunch of your "second amendment" posts and I agree with you 100%.

Evel - 'Cause one's gotta have goals...

Queen of the Mayhem said...

WAIT....no one told me that we could have more than one body! I SO would have picked the perpetually hot and sexy model!

No wonder Tom Cruise is such a whack job!

PS: I have a zapper gun and they are really OVERRATED! :)

Sayre said...

I just use my fingers for zapping. Especially when it's cold and dry.

That girl said...

Queen - Yeah, I would've gone with the blonde bombshell look with big boobs... then I could wear the shirt that says "I wish these were brains".

Hey, gotta see how the other half lives.


Sayre - Do you also wrinkle your nose and make things happen? Girl, you have got a gift!

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Oh my goodness!!! Those questions! Wow.

Ann(ie) said...

Holy God. Thank goodness I went crazy years ago. They wouldn't take me. shucks!

THIS was HYSTERICAL, btw.

Happy Happy Easter!!

That girl said...

Diva - I know, crazy!!

Annie - Lol, should I have posted this game years ago then :-)

tweetey30 said...

I still need to take photo's. I will do that tomorrow I promise. We have been really busy lately and I keep forgetting. Its dark by time he comes home lately and he wont let me drive it yet. I have my drivers permit now so maybe tomorrow he will let me out with it and him.

Mamacita Chilena said...

Dude, I'd look into getting that little red string tied around your wrist. What freaking hilarious questions, I can't believe this wasn't a joke!!!

I was waiting to get to the end and for you to be like...punchline!

Scarlett said...

I absolutely laughed my ass off at this...OMG I'm still choking back giggles so I wont wake hubby...This was pure brilliance!

VV said...

I'd like to know who created those questions and what type of person exactly are they looking for? As the song goes, "how bizarre."

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I so needed to read this again.....I think this is helarious and a good laugh may be the just the medicine I need right now!

Hope all is well with you!

La Cremiere said...

HHAHHAHAHAHAHAA, as ever a good laugh you are.
Just last week, I was walking around in London; dropping in and out of furniture shop wishing that my living room alone be 50sqm, when this very smartly dressed middle-age man stops me from in-between two shops (get out of my way I'm thinking I've got dream-shopping to do!), assuming that he wants the time, I stop in my track....
With a nice warming smile, that makes one drop his defence; he asks: "Have you found God"
I am not sure what went through my mind or face for that matter, because he stopped smiling and looked scared. I imagine that for a split second I look horrified or enraged; not because of God, but because I absolutely HATE people trying to convert me (to all sorts of things, ideas, politics, religion' I make my own research and make up my own mind). After frightening him away, I looked around and I was standing in front of a 'Scientology' shop looking place. I stood there for a further second and a half before shaking the feeling of having been intruded before walking in the next shop. it was my first - very short lived - experience.

Just telling it like it is said...

Often times I read my blog friends writting for inspiration...and you always crack me up...
number 10# is my favorite...while just the other day I was talking with a male friend of mine that I have known 12 plus years...
He reminds me of how crazy of a girlfriend he thinks I have been in the past...
Why just cause I have had commitment problems...and run like hell usually when someone tries to tell me they actually love me...and the crazier I have acted the more they have loved me...
... Not to mention that some of these men have been what society would think are good catches..fire fighter paramedic...ER Dr....
But I like to blame my family or the fact that I am from arkansas...
but I am fun...

Just telling it like it is said...

Oh and big boobs can't hurt either

Sayre said...

Where's Michelle?

Eileen said...

Michelle....
Time for another post.
(I know, I need a new post as well...this weekend).

luckyzmom said...

The really amazing thing is that they have so many followers. LMAO%o