Saturday, April 12, 2008

Addicted to crack

I have never done drugs.
.
(Well, that "one time, at band camp", but I puked and never touched it since)
.
but I think I know a little about what being addicted to crack must feel like...
.
You see, the (real) reason I've been neglecting this blog, and the reason I've had to cancel barbeques with friends, miss a recent 'girl night out' and become a night owl,
is because I have a big, dark, embarrassing secret.
.
Like all addictions, everything starts out very small at first. You tell yourself that you're not hurting anyone , and everything is okay 'in moderation'.
.
Gradually, and innocently enough, your intervals between get a little closer, and closer until you start lying to others about how often 'it' happens.
.
I have been lying to my husband for about 3 weeks. I am downplaying the symptoms and I am finding ways to hide the fact that I have a problem.
.
I've been really struggling with how I could tell you this gently, yet recently, I feel that I need to un-burden myself:
.
I am a "in the closet" BIG BROTHER nut ...
.
(Yes, the reality show. Stop rolling your eyes!)
.
More than just a regular viewer. I am a secret BIG BROTHER fanatic.
.
I am absolutly addicted to anything to do with this reality show. I know, I know, you think it's disgusting right?
.
But innocent?
.
Yeah well, it started out like that.

And then, I went online and started google-ing all things Big Brother. Then, I joint BIG BROTHER chat groups. But the "out of control" started when I found this blog.
.
It basically updates me 3 or 4 times a day to what is going on in the big brother house. You see, the author of this blog has the LIVE internet feeds that are on 24 hours a day!
.
And she has nothing else to do with her day then to update, me, the reader as to what is happening in that BIG BROTHER house as it happens.
.
She even stays awake at night during those long endurance competitions and gives hourly updates. WITH VIDEO, people!!
.
Now that is committment, my friends.
.
I find myself envious of her resources...
.
Never mind that I would probably have to quit my job just so I could stay at home and watch the live feeds all day.
I think that would probably push me further in the downward spiral than I already am..
.
But I've realized I had a problem towards the end of last week. I had started to suspect it for a few days, ever since I've been 'mis-counting' the times I frequented this blog, when JP asked...
.
He knows I am online ALL the time reading about it, but he gives me the benefit of the doubt. When he asked how many times, I said TWO.
.
(in reality, you'd have to add another zero to that digit, and that would probably be more of an accurate description of my past time)
.
I tried to stop and I can't.
.
There are no self help groups out there available for BIG BROTHER fanatics, I already looked.
.
Just more weirdos like me, who encourage this behaviour. I have a whole new group of 'friends' who I discuss the BIG BROTHER show and strategy at length with, every evening.
.
Each move of the houseguest gets scrutinized and then taken apart by us geeks.
.
Oh yeah, it's THAT disturbing. (are you cringing?)
.
More than once I've logged on after JP went to bed, in the bathroom, to find out what is going on....
.
DON'T JUDGE ME, it's a sickness!!
.
I figure since the finale is on April 27th, and the live feeds will abruptly stop after that point, I need to find a way to wean myself off slowly.
.
But what will I do with all that extra spare time?
I'll have to go out again...and see things.
.
I'll talk to real live people, not only chat group Big Brother weirdos. Will I have anything in common with 'normal' people?
.
I'll even have time for sex again....the possibilities are endless.
.
I guess, in order to move forward, like with all good programs, you have to admit that you have a problem. Apparantly after that, it all takes care of itself.
.
And they'll never let me watch another reality show again.
.
*Sigh*
.
Okay, here it goes:
.
My name is Michelle and I addicted to BIG BROTHER.
.
Now if I could just find a sponsor....

13 comments:

TD said...

I have never been able to get in that show! But know that you can admitt to your problem you can get help, or you can just wait until april 27 and stop cold turkey! :P

Lisa said...

I will admit that when I first watched BB I got drawn in to the various personalities and hoping that "that person gets their come uppance, and I want that person ditched" etc etc.

Funnily enough, as much as I recall enjoying the first series, I've never got drawn back into it again. BUT, I do know what a huge following the programme has all over the world...and one of my best mates has a friend in the US that actually sends her DVDs with as much of the latest series as poss on it. Can't figure out that much of an addiction meself, but hey, we all have our thing right?

And may I also just say (seeing as you have finally opened up and let me see back in here)..that I am SO pleased to be able to read some of you again!! Even with it being a couple of months old...After all my own personal to-ing and froing, I thought you'd kicked me out cos I hadn't been reading. It's a yucky feeling being faced with "Permission Denied" *sob* (Then I read on my blog, bless you, that you'd closed out everyone, so I rejoiced again haha!)

And now that I CAN see you again, I'M SOOOO HAPPY ABOUT THAT!! (and have decided it's ok to take up so much room in here, so there)

(BTW, about the penmanship thing below? I used to lovely handwriting til I started at the medical centre. Now it's utter crap because I'm always writing messages so damn quickly. I have trouble reading my own writing...so, you and me, same person...kinda, sorta, ya know, ya know? *mwah*)

Dave said...

Hey Michelle,

You've had me blocked for a couple of months. After daily frustration, I tried a every week or so, and today, ta da, I got through.

Hope you are well.

Laura said...

Oh my God you sound like me when I tried to wean myself off Weddingbee. LMAO.

And yes I am coming back in July :) Multiple reasons... first off I am not meeting many Europeans! I keep meeting North American travellers, not the least of which is Mike from California who I am REALLY eager to see again later this summer! And I am now kind of burnt out on living out of a backpack and hostelling, to be honest. I have had the greatest time but I am not enjoying myself as much as I was anymore, and I am starting to seriously stress about my dwindling bank balance, and all the awe-inspiring cathedrals are starting to melt together and look the same in my brain... and these are signs that it's time to come home. Hope to see ya soon ;)

That girl said...

GUYS - just as an FYI - I didn't block any of you from my blog! well, that's not true, I should say I blocked ALL of you, not just one or the other. I had a little 'meltdown' in my own life, so I thought I'd take a small break from blogging.

I knew that if I didn't block anyone, I'd be feeling guilty about not posting.

I'll explain in my next post.
michelle

Eileen said...

I am so happy to see that you are back! I truly missed you.
I believe the term you were looking for is 'Big Brotheroholic', but you're on the right track. You can try to come to my kind of meetings, you might just meet a sponsor there (haha).
I have never been into that show. I think it's on at some very late hour like 10pm. Or it's 9pm and Heather isn't in bed yet. Whatever, I don't watch it. I think perhaps, based on your experience, that it's a good thing I don't watch it. My tv addictions are 'House' and 'CSI'. Love them. I'm very mean to Heather when House is on. If she's not in bed before it starts, she has to wait for a commercial to be tucked in.
By the way, you did drugs at BAND CAMP??? What the hell kind of person goes to BAND CAMP and does drugs there? I don't get it, but then again, I am friends with you and have spent time with you in 'real life', so I do know how weird you can be.
Glad you're back, I missed you.

Just telling it like it is said...

When you said that you had a big hairy secret...or at least that is how I read it at almost 0130 in the morning... I was worried but know that I know that it is about big brother...well we just miss you that is all....

Just telling it like it is said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just telling it like it is said...

and ummmm I say at least five pt last week that are addicted to crack and well the oldest one was 58 yrs old, buit she told me and I quote, "I never sold my ass" I know too much TMI..sorry

VV said...

Wow. What a lucky break for me. I've never watched Big Brother. Thanks for warning me off what could have been a horrible addiction. ;-)

luckyzmom said...

Wondered what happened to you. This too shall pass!

That girl said...

So ya, I'm surprised there are still people out there who are reading me :-)

Evel said...

I was also addicted. I had live feeds update on my desktop.

I kid you not.